I made men oil up and fight "to the death" to even out the gender ratio in SF
no more gender imbalance! you're welcome!
I may not be βthe face that launchβd a thousand ships, and burnt the topless towers of Ilium,"1 but I am the face that launched a thousand tech bros to beat the shit out of each other with inflatables, and I think thatβs just as powerful.
It all started because I was craving violence, so I sort of A/B tested fighting ring ideas by making posters and putting them on the street. Idea A: a βmenβs fight to the deathβ to fix the gender ratio in SF. Idea B: a βcoupleβs fighting ringβ to help spice up your relationship.
A friend posted Idea A on Twitter and it immediately blew up, so I felt obliged to make it real.
For Non-San-Franciscans, "The Ratio" is a common term used by tech bros to lament that thereβs more men than women in their circles, and that's the sole reason why they're struggling to get any. Used in sentence: "Damn bro The Ratio at this AI-biohacking climbing party sucks" and "I can't deal with The Ratio, I need to move to New York where I will still get rejected, but at least by many more women."
However, while many men complain about The Ratio, none are creating B2B SaaS (Boy to Boy, Slaying as a Solution) ways to fix it. So I stepped up.
I contacted the SF Transbay Joint Powers Authority Bay to see if I could actually host the fight in Salesforce Park, but they respectfully declined. (Said it would cost $6,000.)
I thought itβd be funny to have the men fight shirtless, and the natural next thought was to make them oil up before they fight. You see, as a feminist, I am sick and tired of the objectification of women, and the best solution is to objectify men just as much. That way, the baseline of βobjectificationβ is raised and relatively no one is objectified.
Iβve already made people strip (for CHARITY, itβs altruistic) so making them fight just seemed like the natural next step. Interestingly, there was a lot of overlap between the strip show and the fighting ring: the pole kittens became the ring girl/boy, there was a strong element of performance, each contender had an alias. The fighters were actually much more sexualized because they were shirtless and oiled up, whereas the strip show was surprisingly wholesome.
Serendipitously, my friend Samuel Sliman (or as you may know him, βThomas The Spank Engineβ from Strippers for Charity) had experience running a meme fighting ring. (He challenged the frontrunner of his collegeβs presidential race to a boxing match, and although some claim he βlostβ the fight, he won the peopleβs hearts and earned the presidency.) Sam suggested using inflatable boxing gloves to minimize liability.
Because I am highly dedicated to my craft, we did a trial run of the duel. After getting sloshed on $1 margs at my weekly βoffice hours,β we went to one of those fancy gentrified parks and beat the shit out of each other.
^Me and Greta fighting, never say I donβt practice what I preach. (Violence.)
I made a playlist of appropriate music, including Kung Fu Fighting, Eye of The Tiger, the Wii Sports Theme, and songs from Pokemon, Mario, Super Smash Bros, and Naruto. I had my friends vote on the best oil for the men, and baby oil won. I later realized this mayβve been due to the Diddy meme, but by then it was too late to change.
Sffuncheap shared the event and called me a cultural renegade (Iβm blushing). I found it really funny that they added so much context to the event. Like, whatβs confusing you babyboy?

Day of, as we were staking out the location for the fight, we saw a huge childrenβs party, so we stayed far away (responsibly). We did end up near a baby shower, but that was for adults. Their gender reveal showed it was a boy, so a bunch of oiled up boys fighting nearby was a fitting peek into their future.
Patrick brought his folding table on a bike. Everybody say thank you Patrick.
People kept coming up to me and asking what the inspiration for the fight was. And I was like, βwell I thought it would be funny.β I donβt understand whatβs so confusing about this. It was funny - I was literally right.
Sam refereed the match, we actually showed up wearing the exact same shirt. Sam did an incredible job, everyone say thank you Sam. He strip dances, he referees, what canβt this guy do?

Our fightersβ names included:
Daddy Bone
The Accountant
The Daltic Beast
Shareholder Value
Nico
B2B Ass
Nate
Michael
Tisslord
Number 1
Big Friendly
Slamuel L. Jackson
Amber Sucks
Fist of Justin
A Challenger Approaches
Plot Twist
To be clear, these were mostly aliases made up for the fight. I do not know what their real names were, and I guess I never will.
The fighters got oiled up, and apparently this was actually useful, as it helped punches skim off the skin. Everything got really oily though, which was not a sensation I enjoyed.
The first two rounds were with inflatable gloves.
Then we had a five-way fight with pool noodles to make it to the semi-finals.
The semi-finals were with giant inflatable hammers, which unfortunately could not withstand the sheer power of the revved-up tech bros and ripped.
To give the finalists a breather, there was a βresurrection roundβ where the audience picked eliminated favorites to duel.
Then the final round brought back the gloves. The winner was awarded a bedazzled belt: βRatio Champ.β
After the fight, Nick gifted the leftover baby oil to the baby shower happening nearby. It was only right. Then we let the crowd release any frustration (whether Ratio-related or not) in a free-for all. Finally, my friends and I celebrated another successful event by getting boba and burritos.
Upon reflection, I realized moving from a three-bedroom where Iβd throw unhinged parties with my roommates, to a one-bedroom where I didnβt have space for parties, and therefore had to host them in public, has truly had cosmic effects on the San Francisco Bay Area.
Iβm pretty tired out, so no more parties for a while. And by βa whileβ I mean until I think of something else thatβs kinda funny, which is probably gonna be tomorrow.
Acknowledgements:
A huge thank you to all the incredible people who helped with this event. Sam referee. Patrick table-bringer. The two Ryan photographers. Ryan and Angela, the ring boy and girl. (I do not know why we had three Ryans.) Quincy, Mary, Isla, Graydon, Peter for operational support. Kristine and Ashwin the oilers. Mackenzie for moral support. And of course, the stars of the show, all 18 aforementioned men who had the courage to step up and square up. You guys are the best, thank you for your deep commitment to the bit.
Also so grateful for my friends for coming to support my stupid shit all the time, and the hundreds of strangers who took a chance on an event they saw off a flyer. I couldnβt do it without you. Or I could, but itβd just be me alone in a park, which would be way less fun and kinda weird.
Greek mythology reference to Helen of Troy, for any uncultured readers who donβt recognize this.













This has to be the most extraverted group of people in SF
Canβt wait to see what happens next