the game theory of $1 margarita night

mechanics and strategies behind the perfect Tuesday night

Every Tuesday night I get sloshed off $1 margaritas. Everybody knows this. When someone needs something from me, I summon them there, and thus it functions as a sort of “office hours,” except you must tell me what you need before $3. After that, there’s no guarantee I’m remembering.

a few of the colorful characters at $1 margaritas

Outside of Tuesdays, I rarely drink, I don’t really feel the desire to. But there’s something about getting sloshed on a Tuesday night that’s so funny to me. And lately, my core philosophy has been to make all life decisions based on what’s funniest.

The group chat for this endeavor is called “Cinephiles and Margaritaphiles,” as we used to go watch a ridiculous movie after drinks, like Nosferatu or Paddington in Peru. The name stuck, although we’ve now amassed a large enough community around $1 margs that we just hang there until close.

There is love at $1 Margaritas: once we conspired to set up our two blond friends who seemed a bit flirtatious over margaritas. We arranged a tablecloth, candles, and red roses on a neighboring table. Then when the blondes arrived, we told them, “your table is ready,” and guided them to their seats. To make sure their surprise blind date wouldn’t be weird or anything, we prepared conversational menus with things they liked to talk about. It was very romantic. When the bartenders curiously inquired about the situation, we told them the blondes were celebrating their anniversary. They didn’t mind the romantic microcosm created in their dive-y sports bar and even went up to congratulate the “couple.”

bird’s-eye view of date and conversational menus

There is war at $1 Margaritas: we prepared for the death duel to fix the ratio by going to one of those fancy gentrified parks and beating the shit out of each other, after a few margaritas.

There is deep philosophical discussion at $1 Margaritas: we often have spirited debates, e.g. regarding the last time someone was properly dominated and the merits of straight male ass pics.

recaps of our philosophical discussions

But most of all, there is joy at $1 Margaritas. Unironically, $1 margaritas has become our third space. There is a beautiful intimacy in having recurring plans with friends, something to look forward to every week. What is community but showing up, time and time again? And in that awkward space between acquaintance and friend, when you aspire to grow your connection with someone, what greater way to bond than inviting them to get plastered in a dive-y sports bar on a Tuesday night?

I would highly recommend creating some sort of weekly office hours for your friends to drop by. It’d probably be better if not alcohol based, but no one’s perfect - not even me.

There is also significant game theory at $1 Margaritas. When we first heard about $1 margs, it seemed preposterous. How are they only $1? The catch: you only have from 7:30-8pm to drink. 30 minutes of unadulterated margarita time. Therefore it’s crucial you spend these 30 minutes focused on margarita consumption. Get a drink, get back in line, consume as you wait. No time for funny business, we’re locked in. There is a bit of a gamble - the baristas mix the margs in giant pitchers with ingredient ratios based purely on vibes, and they’re pretty sweet drinks, so you don’t really know the alcohol content in your drinks until the window of consumption has passed. But that’s the game you must play.

Drinking on a weekend is common, pedestrian. It’s expected behavior, so there’s no thrill. Drinking on a Tuesday is mischievous. Sly. Sexy. It feels forbidden. I generally don’t drink at parties (this is a broader SF tech mindset) because it doesn’t add much to the experience of a party, for me. But drinking on a Tuesday is fun. It adds texture to the week, like I’m not waiting for the weekend to make poor but fun decisions, breaking out of the normalcy of a 9-5. Drinking on a Tuesday feels inherently fun in a way that drinking on a weekend is not - the taboo or unexpectedness makes it more enjoyable.

Tuesday is normally the worst day of the week. Far from the weekend, and without the fresh start of a Monday. But we have transformed it into the best day. We took lemons and made lemonade. Or rather, we took limes and made margaritas.