The night started like any other: I was feeling mischievous, and decided to get up to no good. I scrolled through my list of ideas, and chose to fabricate a nightmare polycule that was seeking a new member.
It’d be a beautiful blend of everyone’s favorite applications - dating docs, roommate searches, job applications1 - seeking the one perfect fit across three dimensions for the six members of my polycule.
A few days later, the polycule would have 25 million views, be the #1 and #2 topic trending on Twitter, and receive over 2,000 applications.
The adverts were simple, black text in Arial font, with a link to apply (which you could not click on, because it was on printed paper).
They directed interested viewers to an application on Notion. I figured a polycule in San Francisco would use Notion, so I made a Notion account. I’ve never used Notion before, but I’ve also never run a polycule before, so this would be a learning moment on many fronts for me.2
The Notion page included a description of the polycule rules, each member, and an application to fill out while listening to “calming rain noise” (Heavy Rain with Thunder 2 Hours). I included my friend Mackenzie as a member, of course.
The next day, I taped up 10 flyers while picking up my prescription from the pharmacy. To be honest, this was done rather performatively, as I wanted to post a picture of the flyer on Twitter that day. I have zero clout on Twitter, in fact I have this sort of dual curse/blessing, the kind they dole out in fairytales, where my projects always go viral, but only from someone else’s post about them. So I am (tragically) attempting to build more Twitter presence.
That same day, someone posted the flyer on Reddit, and someone else on Twitter. Which was wild considering I’d only put up 10 flyers within a 3-block radius.
The comments on Reddit were great, my favorite was one wishing that the satire was more obvious. That’s my bad, next time I’ll make sure to footnote explanations for all my jokes.3
Encouraged by this, I brainstormed other places a seeker of love-employee-roommate might post on, and tried to post on Craigslist and Zillow, and immediately got banned from the platforms. That’s gonna really suck the next time I’m apartment-hunting, so I hope you guys appreciate the sacrifices I make for my art.
A few days later, someone with more clout posted the flyer on Twitter, and it went viral.4
Almost all of the commenters thought it was real, which was insane. I mean, it starts with saying the 7 polycule members enjoy long walks on the beach in a 3:4 formation, has multiple 6-7 jokes, outlines height preferences for “practical positioning” purposes, etc. I loved when one lone warrior would bravely assert, “You guys realize this is obvious satire, right?” And they’d get drowned by replies, “No way, SF polycules are just like that. It’s totally real, it’s way too detailed to be fake.”
Another person retweeted it and linked the site, and most of the commenters on that post got that it was a joke.
It’s crazy how much the initial framing and messenger influenced whether people thought it was real, considering it was just one person’s one-line commentary on a multi-page site. This was an unexpectedly striking insight, and I’ll probably post on LinkedIn later about how the lesson ties back to B2B SaaS.
Some of the best bits in the comments:
People thought it was an ad for Notion ??5
Someone hallucinated that the Norman Polycule has existed for years.
Even though I gave very little identifying information about any hypothetical member of the polycule, Mackenzie got a bunch of texts asking if she was really in a polycule. So I started jokingly threatening my friends that I was gonna add them to the polycule if they upset me.
Why not?
People kept tagging this (apparently notorious) shitposter and saying she was obviously behind it, and I figured, at least they’re crediting another women. We need more female representation in male dominated fields (posting stupid shit on the internet).
Commenters were starting to get concerned for Zaid (“the least favorite member”) so we filmed a video update to reassure everyone that he was okay and loved his polycule.
Aadil did such a good job, we filmed this in the middle of our friend’s party on the roof.6
Most polyamorous commenters found it funny (the viral repost was actually by a polyamorous person, and the r/polyamory thread was laughing about it), and the people that got really pissed were staunchly anti-polyamory.7 Which is kind of beautifully ironic?
The application got meme-ified, and the fun thing about that is I would just be scrolling on my feed and get jumpscared by my own work out of context.
I still do not understand how so many people thought it was real.
The “special move” quandary:
This needs its own section.
For context, my friend hooked up with a guy, who afterwards dropped out of the top university in Japan and moved internationally to stalk him full-time. When he was sending texts from one of his many burner numbers, he kept referring to my friend’s “special move,” which apparently was so great it inspired him to commit his life to stalking him.
This sparked a discussion amongst my friends of whether everyone had a “special move,” a highly divisive question: people either answered, “yes, obviously I have a special move,” or, “what the fuck are you talking about?”
Based slightly on the data collected and my superior pattern-matching abilities, I deduced that most people over the age of 25 had a special move, and so the quorum decided that by the age of 25, you must find your special move.
This led to my friends freaking out before their 25th birthday, as we all impress upon them the importance of having figured out your special move by 25.
If you’ll remember from the polycule application, I mention that during the live-in trial-period, you’ll learn each member’s “special move,” and I also ask what the applicant’s special move is, with the option to skip if they’re under 25 and haven’t figured it out yet.
My friend Christopher saw the polycule application, didn’t realize I wrote it, and thought, “wow, I guess having a special move and learning it before 25 is not just a thing among our friends, it’s like widely known.” I ran into another acquaintance at a party and he told me he’d been stressing all day about what his special move was.
I love that “special move” is now becoming part of the public vernacular, as it should tbh. If you don’t have a special move before 25 then quite frankly I don’t know what went wrong in your life.
Over 2,000 people filled out the application.
I’m kinda scared to look through them, because it’s filled with angry evil Twitter people, but there’s some incredible highlights, including:
For the question “what about our polycule most excites you,” the most common answer was “Deborah” (the 65-year old “mom” of the polycule), with 74 responses. To be clear, this was a write-in question, so 74 people independently wrote in that they were most excited about Deborah. I really think it’s about time that older women get the veneration in our society that they deserve.
Three people answered every question with “kill yourself,” which to be honest, I find to be a pretty lazy threat. One of them did take the time to select three hobbies: video games, painting, and yoga.
I think they should do a little more yoga if they’re getting this worked up about a little polycule application.
I also love that the hobbies were a required selection, forcing them to answer something other than “kill yourself.” Like, I’m really in charge here.
Graph time!
Conga line preferences:
Age (years) and Waist (inches):
Onset of familial baldness, when applicable:
The most common hobbies in San Francisco (stat sig):
“Please select a time” heatmap:
I linked all the responses in the appendix, with PII and slurs redacted.8 (I also removed applicants who appear to have filled it out in earnest, because I don’t want to make them feel bad! I hope they find a loving polycule that treats them right, and is not evil like my make-believe one.)
The application made its rounds on other subreddits, Instagram, Threads, Tiktok, even Facebook, which is how you know it’s really been passed around.
You might be wondering, what was the point of this?
To be honest, it’s mostly because I find it pretty funny.
Also, I enjoy melding the connectedness/reach of the online world with the authenticity/humanness9 of the physical world in unexpected ways. Most easily through flyering, and I really relish in the brute force, the humanness of flyering. You have the optionality to look at this thing that I made, because you exist in the same time and space as me. And then when a flyer does end up riding the algorithmic waves, it does so in unexpected ways, because it compelled unknown people to post about it.10
A more potent format involves a gathering of some sort; I had a run of hosting satirical events, like Sit Club (run club without the bad parts), “Death Duel” (to fix the gender ratio in SF), Strippers for Charity (self-explanatory), etc… and although these were really fun, it felt like everything was just a lead up to one day, which is more means-to-an-end than I’d like.
So I’ve been thinking of other form factors in the melding of online and IRL, this was a rather low-effort experiment, but I have some other thoughts in the works. Projects more like The Advice Line (my reverse advice line you call to give advice), but I don’t want just communication between a stranger and myself, I want to facilitate IRL interaction between strangers. How do I do that without it being an event?
A principle I believe is crucial to this is some level of absurdity; I think absurdity is at the core of sparking interaction between strangers, because most people won’t care enough to break out of their everyday normalcy if there isn’t something to shake them, to make them look up and take notice.
What exactly does this look like? I think the pieces are somewhere in that gargantuan ideas list of mine, and when I figure it out, I’ll let you guys know.
Alright, enough of this earnestness.
Final reflections: I think this was my third most viral scheme (after the fake steakhouse I made real for one night only, and the personal ads site to find love for my friends), but it had the greatest ROI by far, considering I spent all of two hours making it.
The key takeaway: people are much more gullible than I thought.
In conclusion: follow me on Twitter.
Appendix:
The commentary on Twitter is really funny, and since the Norman Polycule trended at #1 and #2 for a time, there’s some nice trending recaps:
Responses to the form here. I removed applicants with slurs/spam, as well as earnest applicants, and redacted PII. If I missed anything, let me know.
In retrospect, I should’ve shoehorned a college application in there somehow too. Although that would’ve drastically reduced my applicant pool, and limited it to underage kids, so probably not the best idea after all.
I didn’t realize you could see the name of my Notion workspace somewhere, which was called Dan Yell’s Workspace, but literally no one noticed this except for my friend Matt. Also, I have a pretty distinct writing style and sense of humor, so all my friends should’ve immediately realized I was behind this. Many did, but one friend said that although he thought it sounded exactly like me, he didn’t think I would use Notion, so he figured someone else made it. I’m multi-disciplinary bro.
This is a joke because I’m not going to do this.
They actually took the picture from the Reddit post.
If anyone from Notion is reading this - it can be - hit me up ;)
He also made fun of me for asking around at the party if anyone knew morse code, but like c’mon, this is San Francisco. I’m willing to bet at least one person at the party knows morse code. He’s blinking “SOS” in morse code FYI, we ended up googling it. The only person to notice this was also my friend Matt.
To be clear, this whole scheme was done in jest, not hate. I’ve parodied straight, monogamous dating dynamics as well.
I may’ve missed some, lmk if I did.
I realize that saying that I’m driven by “authenticity” in a story in which I tricked a bunch of people is pretty ironic, but in my defense, I thought this was really obvious satire and so the tricking was mostly accidental.
I’ve actually made a lot of friends through my flyers! Which is crazy! Like my dear friend Charlie, who I sent to Chicago after he filled out my Beans survey; Cool Alex, who I summoned via my Alextravaganza; and dating coach Joyce, who made a viral post about my sfpersonals flyer.
I have genuinely never been more influenced by a Substack post. That stuff like "how to stop thinking and start winning" cannot touch me but this reached deep inside me and touched my inner little rascal
This is one of the most incredible things that Mustard has read.