Schemes are my love language. They’re how my friends and I express affection, by supporting each other in our silly bits, like a city-wide scavenger hunt, or making men oil up and fight, or stripping for charity.
Going against the grain and doing something silly for the sake of itself - that’s what adds the zest to life. (I elaborate on this in my manifesto.)
If you’re a novice to the art of silliness and absurdity, here’s some basic schemes you can use for inspiration.
A Small Gift For Your Loyalty Over The Years.
I learned cyanotype, which is a process of using solar-activated ink to transfer a film negative onto cloth. Then I immediately brainstormed how I could use this for evil.
I made cyanotype t-shirts of my friend Mehran, then asked his friend for the addresses of all his closest friends.
Then I wrote a letter, pretending it was from Mehran, claiming the Mehran merch was a “small gift” to his friends for their “loyalty over the years.” I signed each letter with my left hand in all caps to make it look like really childish handwriting.
I shipped them to his friends’ homes and hoped they would just wear the shirts to hang out with Mehran without asking questions. And that is exactly what they did.
Y’know, there’s a stereotype that men don’t ask questions, and while this can be annoying, there’s also cases when this is extremely funny. Like none of Mehran’s friends questioned who sent the shirt and why they did so, but just wore them out. A year later, at Mehran’s birthday dinner, one of his friends mentioned the shirt was hung up in his entryway. Upon learning I was the one who sent it, he exclaimed: “Oh no way! I always wondered.” And yet he never just… asked.
Mehran’s dad also received a shirt, of course, and he also wore it to spend time with Mehran.
Furthermore, I made a shirt of my friend Mackenzie and wore it when we hung out. Although the image wasn’t as clear (cyanotype requires an image with significant contrast), she immediately clocked it and laughed. I made another one for her, and we’d wear our matching Mackenzie shirts into work together. Very cunty. The pinnacle of girlhood, really.
Merch of Your Friends.
I made stickers of my friends, with relevant slogans. Then I found all of their friends’ addresses that I could. Whether from an old party invite, the time they texted it to me months ago, etc - my only rule was that I couldn’t ask them or their friends directly, I had to scrounge it up. Then I mystery sent the stickers.
Physical mail is really an under-utilized medium these days. I got really into mailing my friends postcards when I was traveling to exotic locations like Capri, the Amalfi Coast, and Alaska. I would roleplay as a wealthy, capricious older woman and pen elaborate messages.
Mehran’s Big Surprise.
I learned that my friends Riley and Mehran share a Google Calendar because they run a startup together. So I sent a calendar invite to Riley called “Mehran’s Big Surprise,” knowing Mehran would see this. Riley immediately declined and texted me that Mehran could see his calendar for the surprise, and I texted back that was the point, then re-sent the invite.
Mehran kept asking all our friends, “What’s my big surprise? What’s my big surprise??” And I found this really funny, that he kept referring to the surprise as his “big surprise.” That sounds so silly.
The day came and went, I think next I’ll add to Riley’s calendar: “Mehran’s Even Bigger Surprise” and “Mehran’s Massive Surprise” and so forth. At some point, I’ll actually have a surprise for Mehran - right when it’s least expected - making it a surprise, if you will.
Taylor Day (a Taylor-Themed Day).
Mackenzie and I went to Fidget Camp, a week-long “summer camp” for creative technologists, and met Taylor, who is the coolest person ever created. Taylor invited us to his fruit salad birthday party, where we expressed we had friend crushes on each other. So Mackenzie and I decided we should hang out with Taylor more. I texted him asking if we could go on a Taylor day. I meant that as a day hanging out with Taylor, but he interpreted that as a Taylor-themed day, and I thought, y’know, that’s a fantastic idea. So Mackenzie and I researched all the Taylor-themed activities we could do.
We sent Taylor a calendar hold for 12 hours, and he replied, “Hey, is this supposed to be 12 hours? Cool if so, just want to prepare ahead.” And we confirmed, “Yes, it’s Taylor Day, not Taylor-few-hours.”
We kicked off Taylor day getting brunch at Taylor Street Cafe, then got in my car. After driving 10 minutes, Taylor started laughing, “Wait, does the navigation say one hour?” And then we drove one hour to Taylor State Park, where we embarked on a beautiful hike. Afterwards, Taylor decorated our water bottles with the decree: “Honorary Taylor.”
Now Taylor’s a great friend of ours. Spending a whole day with someone is a excellent way to press fast-forward on a friendship.
Mackenzie really wanted to take Taylor to Taylor’s House of Karate, Taylor Mountain Canine Retreat, and Taylor Elder Care Management. I vetoed these because my philosophy is the bit has to be both funny and enjoyable, especially when we’re trying to befriend someone. Especially someone as cool as Taylor. Now that we’re good friends with Taylor, perhaps we can broach Taylor’s House of Karate together.
Reflections:
In the title of this post, I put “pranks” in quotation marks because I wouldn’t actually qualify these as pranks. Pranks have a negative connotation of being hurtful; people say “it’s just a prank” as an excuse to mock their target. And I don’t think humor should be weaponized in that way. I would never want a project to even slightly hurt my friends’ feelings. My litmus test is - does the target of this “prank” find it funny themselves?
So I usually call my projects schemes. (Which also can have a bit of a negative connotation, but at least feels more complex and encompassing of a descriptor.)
Also, you may be wondering - why are so many of your schemes targeted towards Mehran? Well, Mehran is a great target/muse because he has outsized reactions and loves attention. I also have quite a bit of positive karma with featuring Mehran, considering the first time I did so I made him an international superstar.
Anyway, go forth, and be good, and be silly.
Editor’s Note:
Hello my beautiful subscribers. As you know, I’m all about getting people to go outside exploring their city, touching grass, engaging in tomfoolery, conversing with strangers, etc. I’m now building on this thesis at scale :) (it was inevitable, I live in San Francisco, am lowk a tech bro, etc). If you’re a founder or investor in consumer social, or a community organizer, I would love to chat! Email or DM me on Substack. Thanks, love ya!
We would have had a great time at the elder care center
I’m cooking up two (2) different schemes at the moment so this is wonderful. May consult you on Weird Flyer strategy